Friday, 23 December 2011

Sometimes we sit around and wait for something that isn't there. -
Does it ever happen that something just appears? No. We need to make something appear when we need it to.
We need to make the moment beautiful when we want it to be.
We need to make sure the light highlights the golden strands in her hair, and her frame is perfectly in the middle of the on coming wave before we snap the moment.......we have to make the moment.
Life is a moment. A long, outstretched moment, made of smaller moments,that are made of smaller moments.
We take a smaller moment to build it up to a bigger one, to build it up to a bigger picture.
As this year comes to a close, I've realized that life gave me moments, 31 536 000 seconds worth of moments, and I've made use of less than half of them.. I wasted a whole set of moments on unnecessary unhappiness, worrying about what people thought and said, and pleasing people. I wasted moments on people that didn't care much about me.. - I wasted a year of moments, my life, god given moments.
...Next year will be different. I'm determined to find happiness in every moment given to me. The few moments I share with siblings, my niece, my parents...and naturally, my friends. Moments in which I can see someone I love smile, and snap it, maybe. Moments where I see people I love cry, and snap it because it is a result of a happy moments... Sadness means you were happy, and now that your happiness is gone, you're crying for it. Fact remains, there was something making you happy. There was a happy moment, and no doubt another happy moment will be made from that sad moment. -
I'll embrace any chance I get to do what I love, be with who I love and just..love. I will love. I will embrace any chance I get to love. I'll open myself up again because being closed up, it sort of just makes a moment run away. I'm not running away from moments any more, I'm not running away from life any more... - 17 years it took me to realize I deserve happiness, and I plan on reaping all the happiness I missed in those 17 years.
....I love you mom, I love you dad... I love you life. :) xx

Friday, 18 November 2011

Moment missed

How the past, looks onto the present, and laughs.
tears sliding down cheeks in reminiscence of what was.
The moment he wrapped his arms around you,
massive limbs caressing you,
caving you in from the iniquity
Love. Spreading from your lips,
warmth. Making you smile.
Not every moment can last,
not every moment can be remembered,
The only moment that truly matters,
is the one that is missed. 


Written: Arlana Panduleni Shikongo

Wednesday, 5 October 2011

Brown sugar coat skin,
african girl, stick thin.

Eyes of moonless nights,
Sighs, sweet velvet sighs.
velvet....skin.
Purple.
Shades of sin.

Burst of laughter
Surge of energy
"All I need is love,
Someone to treasure me"

Look into her soul,
Find the hidden.
Truths of life.
Truths of sin.
Truths many, buried deep within.

Brown sugar coat skin.
Sweet as the bearer.

Angel of sin,
Heavenly disaster
So pure, yet so broken.
Misunderstood.
lonely.

Violent screams
Razor to skin
"Flow blood, drip down
out through my skin, let sadness in"

Look past the smiles,
Find saltlake tears.
Stream down at night.
She's alone,
She's alone.

Written: Arlana Panduleni Shikongo 

Tuesday, 12 July 2011

Love

Nothing comes more naturally than love itself
It encompasses everything from the minute it's brought into the world
The true beauty of the world is seen in the eyes of love,
Whether for the lovers themselves
Or the incandescent wild roses and blue skies
Love.
The only thing that can fight evil and win.
Ward off the darkness and bring light in.
The only saviour either than Him himself.
Fested in the chest of the bearer of that wealth.
Lying in its richness, at its purest
when it's from a new born baby,
To the mother it adores.

Written: Arlana Panduleni Shikongo

Thursday, 16 June 2011

Need to be loved.

Can you tell me, honestly
that you love me
only me.
Can you tell me,
that it's true
when you tell me
"I love you".
Is it something I make up
to put a smile on my face when I wake up.
Is it something I tell myself
to keep sane,
to keep my mental health.
Is it really in your actions,
Do you try to show it to me?
Or do I sit here dreaming,
thinking that you want me.
Do I create the lust I feel?
Am I really a burden to you?
Do I scare the thought of loving me into you,
or is it all genuinely true?
All I really want is somebody to love me.
Caress me,
hold my face in their hands,
tell me I'm as tender as the inside of a rose,
and as beautiful as all that the world shows.
I don't mean to sound needy,
I don't mean to sound broken,
I just want someone to show me,
that I can be loved.
That I am lovable,
See my beauty for what it really is,
and make me someone they'd always miss.

Written: Arlana Panduleni Shikongo 

Monday, 13 June 2011

Find you! :)

I'm sure there are so many of us who just want to be happy, find ourselves, and become better people.
I've read up on a few methods of achieving this, and deduced my own little script.
I'm hoping it'll be as helpful to you as it was to me... :)



What do you consider a “good” person to be?
First you need to analyse what you think makes up a good person as this'll reflect the person you want to be and the characteristics you'll have to work towards achieving. 

1.    Doesn’t lie - honest
2.   Always happy
3.    Able to keep their emotions intact
4.    Make the people around them happy
5.    Organisation within their life
6.    Good listener and adviser
7.    Supportive
8.    Selfless

What kind of person am I?

This'll help you realize where changes need to be made.
Naturally, we don't all know all the characteristics that make us who we are, but, there are a few you can easily pin point, and these are the ones you should write down on this list.

These are mine:
1.    Dishonest
2.   Rude
3.    Selfish
4.    Insensitive towards others
5.    Over emotional
6.    Dramatic
7.    Always sad, or angry
8.    Negative energy
9.    Insecure - thus resulting in a low self-esteem

This is the script I've written up, hoping to find a better me and perhaps a happier life. It's a list of nine day-by-day challenges. After day nine, I'd advise you to start from day one again, and work through to day 7 repetitively, and perhaps take it upon yourself to practice these day-by-day guides monthly, or however often you'd like to... 

Becoming a better person: The day by day 
challenge:

Day 1:
Try not to be angry or sad. Smile. Be happy. Have happy thoughts and be assertive.
Challenge”:
Today, sit by yourself for an hour, and smile. Smile on your face, in your eyes, and in your organs. Let all parts of your body smile, until you feel happiness radiating out of your body. Invest all your problems in your god and have faith that he will deal with them and guide you, and let go of them. Forget the world and it’s troubles, and just SMILE.


Day 2:
Try to relax your mind, and ease your body.
“Challenge”:
Bathe. Take a bath instead of a rushed shower. Add some bath stones and crystals. Lay in the bath, add a few crystals and let your mind roam freely, however, make sure to consume yourself with only happy, positive thoughts. You can sit there for hours on end. Sometimes, laying with your head in the water is a great feeling because all other sound is blocked out, leaving only you and your thoughts. 

Day 3:
Breathing exercises are a good way to relax and feel new and positive energies enter your body.
“Challenge”:
Sit for half an hour to an hour all by yourself, in a quiet area or where there is peaceful, soothing music playing and take heavy but calm breaths in and out. Imagine that you are allowing new, fresh energies to flow into your body as you inhale, and let all the tiredness and heaviness leave your body as you exhale.

Day 4:
Singing, laughing, dancing and being silly are activities that bring joy to the heart.
“Challenge”:
Today you should sing, giggle, dance and be silly in EVERY opportunity you get. Whether it means adding a double Hop to your step or singing in the shower, these activities will brighten your day and broaden your smile… So go ahead, sing, jump, do kung fu kicks in the air. Release all bad energy and be happy. :)

Day 5:
Books, music and magazines ease the mind and allow people to be happy.
“Challenge”:
Enjoy positive media: read an inspiring article, or listen to a song that evokes hope and energy in you. This is an all day activity, and should be done in every possible, waking hour.

Day 6:
As much as we hate to accept it, sometimes it’s better to say nothing.
“Challenge”:
Try not to respond to anything today. Talk to people, and interact with them, however, try not to state any opinions or point out any sort of criticism. Today you should take a step back and just analyse everything in silence. Smile or nod, but don’t speak a word.

Day 7:
How do you like the sound of “say cheese”?
“Challenge”:
SMILE.SMILE.SMILE.SMILE.SMILE.SMILE.SMILE. – that’s all you need to do today. Smile at the waitress in the cafĂ©, smile at the dog on the sidewalk, smile at the man cleaning out the dumpster. Just smile. It’ll brighten up your day as well as someone else’s, so it’s basically a 2-in-1 bargain.

Day 8:
After a positive week, we reach the break down to rebuild the foundation.
“Challenge”:
Today you need to sit down and assess what your insecurities are. Firstly, write them down or type them out, then look at yourself in the mirror and say them to yourself. Cry if you must. This could take you about half an hour, or more, depending on how sensitive this is to you. You need to it down and really analyse every aspect of yourself. All the insults people have thrown at you need to be dug out and reassessed because there might be some truth to them. Good luck. 

Day 9:
Regardless of how insecure any man is, his successes will always be his pride and joy.
“Challenge”:
Recognize and assess your successes, and write them down on a sheet of paper. These don’t only have to be physical successes. They can also be emotional successes such as trauma’s you may have overcome, or anything that makes you a special person and differentiates you from everyone else.

After day 9, my advice to you would be to work your way through from day 1 again, through to day 7. These you can do every day, for as long as you’d like. I hope this was helpful. Good luck on your journey.

Tuesday, 7 June 2011

Sometimes, I stare in the mirror,
and the reflection I see, isn't who I am,
or who I want to be.
The girl in the mirror has no smile on her face.
Her eyes are filled with sadness
Her lips speak of pain,
and her fists reflect madness...
I don't know how life should be,
I don't know what I want it to be,
I don't have any visions,
and I don't know what suits me.
I don't feel any love,
yet I yearn for it intensely,
I stare into the world,
hoping somehow it'd defend me.
Defend me from the voices,
the writing on the wall,
Take my hand, and ease my mind,
help me not worry at all.
...but that's not how life goes,
and it's silly for me to wish
that the blow of the wind
could end my pain.
my sorrow.
my lonliness.
I only pray for one thing,
and the one thing I ask,
is to be forever happy,
and find a love that'll last.

Written: Arlana Panduleni Shikongo 

Friday, 3 June 2011

week without.. -

This week without facebook has probably been the most grueling and boring week of my life since the day I signed up to the social network, however, it's also been the most eye opening.
People have a tendency of being fake, and pretentious over facebook even though I cannot fathom why, but the minute you step out of the box of social network interaction you learn alot:
- alot of the people you'd talk to on a daily basis via facebook will never text you when you're off it.
- friends who sent you the most "we're such bff's" wallposts forget about the "bff" times.
and most importantly:
- many of the people you thought were your friends fade into the backround and become invisible.

On another note:
My week of isolation has helped me decide on alot of things.
It has made me realize the importance of family and I've had alot more time to dedicate and spend with them.
It has taught me that friends come and go like the wind, and it's just something you need to deal with.
It has taught me that you are you're own fun and no one else can define it for you.
Most importantly, it's taught me that life's what YOU make it. No one else, but you..

It's made it alot easier to decide on who of my "acquaintances" to disregard as they disregard me, and it's made me realize what I need and don't need in my life at the moment and I've removed these pests (hate to be harsh) effectively. It's like the say, "destroy them before they multiply and go against you" ...
End the war before you start it right?

The next week will be all about retail therapy, late night coffee's, and smiles for the paparazzi. :)

In conclusion:
We all have our troubles in life, and there's no way they won't bother you, but keep your head up, and you're foot down and tell life that you're in charge of the show that is your life.. :)

xx PS

Sunday, 29 May 2011

Find you! :)

Often people don't step back to really look at their lives and analyze the tiny details that you don't notice in the moment, but when you take a step back, and look at it from a distance, you realize that your eyes are blind to so many things.

The biggest mistake we make is thinking that all the people we know are our friends. This is wrong.
Of all the people you know, less than 5% are real friends. The one's that're there for you through the nitty gritty. Their the ones who notice something's wrong when you're hiding behind a smile, and the ones who call or text you at all hours of the day and not only when they need something. The rest, they're just acquaintances, or people who stand by you to move up the social ladder.

A friend told me, that in order to find out who your real friends are, the people that're true to you, you need to know who you are. Only then will your eyes be opened to things that you never noticed while you were trying to fit it. Not all of us know who we are, who we want to be, or what our passions are. Heck, I don't know who I am. Some days I feel that I'm certain of who I am, or I know who I want to be but then I realize that my "friends" wouldn't like that me, however, if they were really friends they'd accept me for who I am, right?

Sometimes you just need to leave everything behind and go on a journey to find yourself. This is something I've tried many times, yet, the real me hasn't emerged, and fake friends are still lurking around like sharks in a bloody pond. I went through different phases, as do many teenagers at this time. For awhile I was a scene kid, then there was a time I wore only printed t-shirts, jeans and sneakers. Then I had my girly phase, and my "coloured skinny jeans only" phase. None of these worked out, cos frankly, they just weren't me...

I've come to realize that I may know who I am, but I'm scared people won't like it, and for this reason, I've decided to seclude myself and do some soul searching. (something I think all "people pleasers" should do)
I've realized that I'm the girl who loves sneakers, yet, putting on some heels once in a while is fine too. I'm the girl that wears tons of make up 'cause I love experimenting with all kinds of different products and colours. I'm the girl who will occasionally show alot of skin, but often decide that showing no skin would be alot better. I'm the girl who can wear fake eyelashes, regardless of many people thinking it makes you fake. I don't think there is anything fake about any of this. If it was, I'd reckon covering your nails with nailpolish or nail tips for mani's would be too, but, it isn't. It's all about what's inside that counts, regardless of how many layers of concealer a person's face might be covered with.

The next two months will be my time to find myself, again. I'm not saying I'm gonna change, and I'm not saying I won't. All I'm saying is, that before I can love anyone else, realize who my real friends are, and be happy and content with everything I have in life, I need to open my eyes and realize who I am.. and at the end of it all, I'll see how I come out of the tunnel and who'll be standing right there to support me, and in that moment I'll know who I am, who my friends are and perhaps I'll have realized what my passions are, 'cause at this point I have no clue. 


IN CONCLUSION: if you need some time to yourself, take it. It's a well deserved break, and it's your life, do with it as you'd please.
If you want to wear heeled shoes all day, 'erday, wear tiny dresses that only half cover your backside, wear eyelashes that in your opinion make you feel beautiful, get piercings all over your face, then DO IT.
It's all about what'll make you feel good about yourself. It's your life, and you're only gonna get this one chance to experience everything it comes with, and if you're going to live in fear of what "others might say", then you'll only just make a waste of your life trying to please them, while they do everything they want to do, not caring about trying to please you. So, GO FOR IT.


Best wishes :)

Tuesday, 24 May 2011

Today, was one of those days where everything I felt just came rushing in and my emotions were all messed up and confused. - 
Sometimes, when you feel like this, it's a good idea to talk about what's bothering you..

I did, to a friend I thought I'd lost because of some of the most stupid and irrelevant reasons.
I was able to open up to her, in ways I never could.. I guess, in many ways, this separation has kinda shown both of us how important we are in each other's lives :)



Moral of the story:
When you think things can never go back to how they used to be... you're right, 'cause they can't.
However, you can make things better than they were and relish in the memories of the past.

Life is a beautiful thing, and, every moment is worth shedding a tear for. -
In the same way that you cry when you lose a loved one, you should cry as moments pass. Not tears of sadness, but tears of joy.. Joy that you were able to live in that moment. 



Peace, love, and smiles. :) 

Sunday, 22 May 2011

Sometimes, you think and feel like you know someone so well, and within the next minute all you knew is gone.
Yes, with each person there is unknown ground, even to the person themselves -
But, it hurts when the paths you've walked and discovered have changed course and everything you thought you knew means nothing at all 'cause it no longer exists.


As time is the only undoubted, absolute truth, we know change is inevitable. Change happens at every minute.....second - yet, losing something you thought you knew, you thought you had, hurts....even though we know change comes with all things. 


A friend lost is meant to mean a real one will be gained? I feel not. I feel like once you've lost a friend, you've lost time, memories. Life - Once you lose a friend, time will take your place and you'll lose everything you knew. 

Saturday, 21 May 2011

Let the good times roll

You know how sometimes you find yourself amongst an unusual crowd you never thought you'd see yourself out with? Tonight was that night for me, but, surprisingly, I couldn't have asked to spend this saturday in any other way. XD


While we were on the way to a chill out lounge from a party we'd just left, a friend of mine randomly yelled out, "WHERE'S THE CAT?" - I know it sounds far from funny right now, and more silly than anything, some things are just tooooooo epic to explain. 


From the "Ammnt i hot" to the slurred "eh, iem going, tee jiirk nouw"(israeli friend with her UNIQUE accent) and  the panick of a dog attack, to the nandoes cravings, and the "bouncing" - I must conclude, that I had a "bouncing night" (Yesss Mevels, I used your line) 


Thank you my little 14 year old kitty cats, 
#Sharon Alexander #Talia Pinhasov and the two other freakish kids I spent my night with. 
:) 
EPIC FUCKING TIMES. <3

Friday, 20 May 2011

the ^%$# with school!!

Like, 
I just wanna say. education is great and all... - but dude. THE FUCK!!!!? 
I mean.
exams? - and, they just kill your morale. 
If you want kids to go to school. Make it a place worth going to. 
-.-