Thursday, 16 June 2011

Need to be loved.

Can you tell me, honestly
that you love me
only me.
Can you tell me,
that it's true
when you tell me
"I love you".
Is it something I make up
to put a smile on my face when I wake up.
Is it something I tell myself
to keep sane,
to keep my mental health.
Is it really in your actions,
Do you try to show it to me?
Or do I sit here dreaming,
thinking that you want me.
Do I create the lust I feel?
Am I really a burden to you?
Do I scare the thought of loving me into you,
or is it all genuinely true?
All I really want is somebody to love me.
Caress me,
hold my face in their hands,
tell me I'm as tender as the inside of a rose,
and as beautiful as all that the world shows.
I don't mean to sound needy,
I don't mean to sound broken,
I just want someone to show me,
that I can be loved.
That I am lovable,
See my beauty for what it really is,
and make me someone they'd always miss.

Written: Arlana Panduleni Shikongo 

Monday, 13 June 2011

Find you! :)

I'm sure there are so many of us who just want to be happy, find ourselves, and become better people.
I've read up on a few methods of achieving this, and deduced my own little script.
I'm hoping it'll be as helpful to you as it was to me... :)

What do you consider a “good” person to be?
First you need to analyse what you think makes up a good person as this'll reflect the person you want to be and the characteristics you'll have to work towards achieving. 

1.    Doesn’t lie - honest
2.   Always happy
3.    Able to keep their emotions intact
4.    Make the people around them happy
5.    Organisation within their life
6.    Good listener and adviser
7.    Supportive
8.    Selfless

What kind of person am I?

This'll help you realize where changes need to be made.
Naturally, we don't all know all the characteristics that make us who we are, but, there are a few you can easily pin point, and these are the ones you should write down on this list.

These are mine:
1.    Dishonest
2.   Rude
3.    Selfish
4.    Insensitive towards others
5.    Over emotional
6.    Dramatic
7.    Always sad, or angry
8.    Negative energy
9.    Insecure - thus resulting in a low self-esteem

This is the script I've written up, hoping to find a better me and perhaps a happier life. It's a list of nine day-by-day challenges. After day nine, I'd advise you to start from day one again, and work through to day 7 repetitively, and perhaps take it upon yourself to practice these day-by-day guides monthly, or however often you'd like to... 

Becoming a better person: The day by day 

Day 1:
Try not to be angry or sad. Smile. Be happy. Have happy thoughts and be assertive.
Today, sit by yourself for an hour, and smile. Smile on your face, in your eyes, and in your organs. Let all parts of your body smile, until you feel happiness radiating out of your body. Invest all your problems in your god and have faith that he will deal with them and guide you, and let go of them. Forget the world and it’s troubles, and just SMILE.

Day 2:
Try to relax your mind, and ease your body.
Bathe. Take a bath instead of a rushed shower. Add some bath stones and crystals. Lay in the bath, add a few crystals and let your mind roam freely, however, make sure to consume yourself with only happy, positive thoughts. You can sit there for hours on end. Sometimes, laying with your head in the water is a great feeling because all other sound is blocked out, leaving only you and your thoughts. 

Day 3:
Breathing exercises are a good way to relax and feel new and positive energies enter your body.
Sit for half an hour to an hour all by yourself, in a quiet area or where there is peaceful, soothing music playing and take heavy but calm breaths in and out. Imagine that you are allowing new, fresh energies to flow into your body as you inhale, and let all the tiredness and heaviness leave your body as you exhale.

Day 4:
Singing, laughing, dancing and being silly are activities that bring joy to the heart.
Today you should sing, giggle, dance and be silly in EVERY opportunity you get. Whether it means adding a double Hop to your step or singing in the shower, these activities will brighten your day and broaden your smile… So go ahead, sing, jump, do kung fu kicks in the air. Release all bad energy and be happy. :)

Day 5:
Books, music and magazines ease the mind and allow people to be happy.
Enjoy positive media: read an inspiring article, or listen to a song that evokes hope and energy in you. This is an all day activity, and should be done in every possible, waking hour.

Day 6:
As much as we hate to accept it, sometimes it’s better to say nothing.
Try not to respond to anything today. Talk to people, and interact with them, however, try not to state any opinions or point out any sort of criticism. Today you should take a step back and just analyse everything in silence. Smile or nod, but don’t speak a word.

Day 7:
How do you like the sound of “say cheese”?
SMILE.SMILE.SMILE.SMILE.SMILE.SMILE.SMILE. – that’s all you need to do today. Smile at the waitress in the cafĂ©, smile at the dog on the sidewalk, smile at the man cleaning out the dumpster. Just smile. It’ll brighten up your day as well as someone else’s, so it’s basically a 2-in-1 bargain.

Day 8:
After a positive week, we reach the break down to rebuild the foundation.
Today you need to sit down and assess what your insecurities are. Firstly, write them down or type them out, then look at yourself in the mirror and say them to yourself. Cry if you must. This could take you about half an hour, or more, depending on how sensitive this is to you. You need to it down and really analyse every aspect of yourself. All the insults people have thrown at you need to be dug out and reassessed because there might be some truth to them. Good luck. 

Day 9:
Regardless of how insecure any man is, his successes will always be his pride and joy.
Recognize and assess your successes, and write them down on a sheet of paper. These don’t only have to be physical successes. They can also be emotional successes such as trauma’s you may have overcome, or anything that makes you a special person and differentiates you from everyone else.

After day 9, my advice to you would be to work your way through from day 1 again, through to day 7. These you can do every day, for as long as you’d like. I hope this was helpful. Good luck on your journey.

Tuesday, 7 June 2011

Sometimes, I stare in the mirror,
and the reflection I see, isn't who I am,
or who I want to be.
The girl in the mirror has no smile on her face.
Her eyes are filled with sadness
Her lips speak of pain,
and her fists reflect madness...
I don't know how life should be,
I don't know what I want it to be,
I don't have any visions,
and I don't know what suits me.
I don't feel any love,
yet I yearn for it intensely,
I stare into the world,
hoping somehow it'd defend me.
Defend me from the voices,
the writing on the wall,
Take my hand, and ease my mind,
help me not worry at all.
...but that's not how life goes,
and it's silly for me to wish
that the blow of the wind
could end my pain.
my sorrow.
my lonliness.
I only pray for one thing,
and the one thing I ask,
is to be forever happy,
and find a love that'll last.

Written: Arlana Panduleni Shikongo 

Friday, 3 June 2011

week without.. -

This week without facebook has probably been the most grueling and boring week of my life since the day I signed up to the social network, however, it's also been the most eye opening.
People have a tendency of being fake, and pretentious over facebook even though I cannot fathom why, but the minute you step out of the box of social network interaction you learn alot:
- alot of the people you'd talk to on a daily basis via facebook will never text you when you're off it.
- friends who sent you the most "we're such bff's" wallposts forget about the "bff" times.
and most importantly:
- many of the people you thought were your friends fade into the backround and become invisible.

On another note:
My week of isolation has helped me decide on alot of things.
It has made me realize the importance of family and I've had alot more time to dedicate and spend with them.
It has taught me that friends come and go like the wind, and it's just something you need to deal with.
It has taught me that you are you're own fun and no one else can define it for you.
Most importantly, it's taught me that life's what YOU make it. No one else, but you..

It's made it alot easier to decide on who of my "acquaintances" to disregard as they disregard me, and it's made me realize what I need and don't need in my life at the moment and I've removed these pests (hate to be harsh) effectively. It's like the say, "destroy them before they multiply and go against you" ...
End the war before you start it right?

The next week will be all about retail therapy, late night coffee's, and smiles for the paparazzi. :)

In conclusion:
We all have our troubles in life, and there's no way they won't bother you, but keep your head up, and you're foot down and tell life that you're in charge of the show that is your life.. :)

xx PS