Once again, we're seeing the closing of another year on this here New Years Eve. It's time for those resolutions we never live up to, hanging out with people we potentially want to murder, in the same old place.
So, I find myself here again. Swakopmund. So essentially, what has changed this year? A year later and I'm still in the same place. Last year, I thought I had found something beyond amazing here, only to see it fall apart.
2012 has been the furthest thing from a good year. Suffering deaths, heart ache, emotional instability and self discovery. This year has been a whirlwind of confusion and turmoil. However, I have perhaps learned more about myself in this one year then I have over the course of my entire life. I've discovered my weaknesses and my strengths and I've been able to accept myself for who and what I am. I went through lessons that opened my eyes to the bullshit that was happening around me: the people who were only in my life to see my falter and those who were there to help me grow.
Any year has it's ups and downs and essentially, these are important in ones mission of personal discovery.
1. I lost someone I thought was a friend. I did, however, learn that it was for the best. Self destructive and on her own quest to discover herself, our paths weren't meant to intertwine at this point in our lives.
2. A rift grew between a boy I thought was my soul mate. Soul mate in the sense that he understood me and my reasoning. In as much heartbreak as it caused, it made me realize that I do deserve better. I deserve people in my life that appreciate and accept me as I am.
3. Those two instance made me realize the value of my childhood bestfriends Nash and Niina, and the significance of them in my life. Friends like these are hard to come by, but what comes easy goes easy and I'm glad to say they aren't the type to dispose of me when the going gets a little tough.
4. I have found a long lost sister in another childhood friend. A girl I've known since we were wet behind the ears 8-year olds. She has grown into an elegant figure of a woman, and has played the leading sister role in my life over the last year. A girl I can run to at any hour of the day and someone I find comfort in (because she cooks like a top chef, and I eat my feelings ;)). Much like her mother, she inspires me to be better and strive for better. She is the spitting image of the woman I idolized through my prior youth and in as much as she is not present today, I know she would be just as proud of her daughter as I am.
5. I learned that I am of a destructive nature due to the fact that I can't deal with my emotions, and that realization allowed me to change the course of my own life. I have since minimized my riotous mannerisms and found a more subtle manner in which to deal with my troubles. I owe the end of my walk down a destructive path to my Journal.
6. I have succeeded to understand myself. I know who I am, I know how I look and I am perfectly comfortable with every aspect of myself. I am, however, a human being, thus I will occasionally look into the mirror and find things that could do with some nip and tuck action, but, that's natural and quite necessary in order to avoid vanity.
All in all, the year has been a success. More than anything, life is about learning and this year has been one full of lessons. Do I have resolutions for next year? Absolutely not. Resolutions are somewhat a set up of bad luck. All I hope to do is go through life and take it as it comes.
Prosperous New Year to each and every one of your haunted souls.