Tuesday, 14 August 2012

Finding the best in my worst expectation

I expected this school year to start differently... Can you blame me for expecting more drama? I was scared that this black hole would suck me back into the state of depression I once curled under or that the fondness I witnessed between friends that were once mine would hurt me and bring those salty swells of tears back to my eyes. I expected the worst...

Yet, somehow, I had given myself the time to grow and change without even realizing it; because only in that moment, the moment where I witnessed the source of all my pain and despair, only then did I realize that I have dried into a thick pillar of cement who cannot be burdened by the agendas of others who only wish to see me fall. No, I am no longer burdened with anger, hate or jealousy because these emotions never helped me... Instead of adding value to my life, they made me, and my sense of self, depreciate into a worthless feeling, slither of a girl..
...But no more...
I'm not going to sit here and preach 'girl power' or speak of the evils of the 'jealousy monster'.. No. All I'm going to say is that when you make the conscious choice to leave behind some of your baggage, your shoulders feel lighter, and instead of pulling yourself brutally over the cracks and nooks of a heated tar road, you can walk with your shoulders held high and you get to see the brighter shades of blue and green that stream through the sky; and you can smell the fresh aroma of the freshly cut foliage.

When I decided to pick myself off the ground, I started living for me and walking down my own path with my own two feet. No longer did I let people step on my back and hold me back while I furiously tried to pull myself to my next destination, only to be trampled on by the being who can only pick themselves up solely to hide their emotions. Now that I can see these heights, I can see the faces smile UP at me instead of DOWN on me, and I can see the company I have been avoiding.. Now that I have picked myself up I have found the company that I needed. I have found that person who took my face into his grasp and shook me a smile instead of analyzing the carvings of my bone structure.

I expected this school year to start differently... Can you blame me for expecting more drama? I was scared that this black hole would suck me back into the state of depression I once curled under or that the fondness I witnessed between friends that were once mine would hurt me and bring those salty swells of tears back to my eyes. I expected the worst... and in the worst of expectations, I found perfection... I found my bliss.... I found my joy.. and I found it in the face of the most unlikely candidate. Yet, I could not be more grateful that he found me, took my face in his grasp and shook me a smile.

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