Today, I started drama. Officially started Drama. Exciting isn't it?
The reasons I decided to start drama are, well, plenty.
As a child, I'd always loved morphing into a new character, taking on someone's life problems while letting mine brew in the darkness. I enjoyed galloping around, singing and dancing (like in musicals), and putting on a serious face for a few minutes when I'd lie to my mom about how my new Science teacher hit me. Adding tears always added that much more of an "ummph", but naturally, the task was challenging.
Today, when the drama teacher asked me why I decided to do drama, I choked. I literally choked. My throat dried out, and everything just disappeared. Naturally, I was able to blurt something out about acting, and morphing and blahdi blah blah blah. But, it was lacking substance; It was lacking me.... it was lacking MY emotion. I ended up saying that I love film, and I want to be a film actress. Which indeed is true. I LOVE FILM. I love watching a scene, seem natural and relate-able. I love hearing actors and actresses speak in a monotone voice because they get to blurt their lines into a microphone instead of having to yell and be conscious about sound projection in a 10 000 seat filled theater. I love the natural air to it... I adore it. I mean, the soft whimpers in The Black Swan, or the romantic tat-tels* of Noah and Allie in the Notebook. I mean, isn't it brilliant to be able to watch something and feel as though you're having a conversation with your friends. Isn't it lovely to know, that a whisper is a whisper and a shout is a shout? I say, it's marvelous.
Now don't get me wrong. I LOVE THEATER too. I think it's just exquisite. I love how those performers are able to get up on that stage, storm in as their characters, and get it all right in one shot. Heck, I applaud them. It take alot of courage and confidence to be able to step up in that intrepid manner. However, when it comes to personally taking on the task, I'll step back into my little shadow. I do not carry the confidence to perform infront of a crowd of people. Imagine, bright lights hitting you in the face, a bunch of lines to recite without any whatsoever type of assistance. Live. That's insanity. Okay, well.... Not insanity. Having experienced this once before, I reckon it's lovely. The feeling of knowing you're going and going without a glitch, the feeling of knowing that your presenting art, within yourself, viewed by hundreds, and most importantly, the reaction of the audience to your performance; the tears, the laughs, the applause. It's a rush indeed. Now picture a 158cm short girl, with short hair and dark eyes, bent over spine, head down.. barely carrying herself. - Do you see this potential in her? Barely. I'm not saying I have no confidence. Oh, I've got plenty but definitely not enough to stand infront of millions and make mistakes. I can, unfortunately, not deal with a bruised ego...or, not at this point in my life.
So, how do you think a girl like me can overcome a situation of the sort? Striving to make it on the big screen while intensely yearning for the adrenaline rush of the stage? Simple: Glee.
Acting on screen and on the stage has become possible. Like Lea Michele, roles of a theater actress in a soap or other type of novela has become common.. - Annie from 90210 as another example. Thus, if I desperately wanted to play the role of Daisy in 'The Great Gatsby' I could so easily write the script, produce the screenplay and have myself well on the way to broadway and the big screen in one shot!? Oh, hello Cabaret.
All in all, an artistic soul like myself will find means to pursue and fulfill all my life long dreams, regardless of how I go about. Whether it be producing my own theatrical scripts and having them roled on set with the camera, the lights, the "ACTIOOOON!!!", or publishing a novel of short stories and poems; I will make it to broadway, I will make it to the big screen, I will have a platform for my poetry, and I will publish my short stories and be credited with a novel... All in one go.
*(Tat-tel: the soft whispering of lovers into the ears of another, accompanied with gentle nibbles on the ear)