Thursday, 25 October 2012

The Dark Deity

There were days when everything was either black or white. There was always a definite either or... But recently, my world of solid colours has turned into a blend of uncertainty with shades and emotions that I cannot decipher...

Black skies,
Of red tears, blue blood, white lies.
Dripping from her lips.
Bubbling up from sunken ships.
A place darker than the tunnels and caves
Carved by her inner demon to escape
the burning light.
Flames torched from bible pages ignite..
Holy water purified of the purity
What profanity.
Lost virginity.
A body numb and paralyzed,
An aerial view through blind eyes.
Watch earth's god rise.
Heaven's demise.
Lucifer say a prayer,
Lasting debt, forever the payer.

I can never tell how I feel. How do I fucking feel? Is this the dark invading my soul? Day by day I say a prayer. "God, pull me out of the deep end?" But sometimes the effort becomes heavy on my shoulders. "Oh, lucifer, carry me back to the dark side..." ...and he delivers me to my prayer. He asks me to give myself to him, and he'll never set me free. Where do i go? The dark calls to me, and the light provides no shelter from the heat. Grey areas of tears and pain, moments of pain and bliss. Cigarettes and parties. Boys and lace panties. No love. Just a drift through and through.
Pierce through my skin so I know it's real. Let me feel myself within myself. Let me know it's real. Oh,, let me sell it for the momentary bliss. Hell cannot be worse than this. Let me eat my own flesh. Hell cannot be worse than this.

I am an angel pure. Oh God, forgive my sin? Golden shrines of saints and seekers. Why aren't I a believer? Deliver me from evil, in the name of the Father, Son and Spirit. Where are you? Trinity, Deity, can you hear me? I can feel you. I can't feel you. I can't feel you.

My reality is tainted. Let me bleed. Let me weep. Let me sleep in peace. Wake me up. Give me love. Give me peace. Where's my God? Ecstasy. Warm embrace? Heaven, hath though forsaken me? This can't be real. Hell is better than this.

Oh Deity.