Thursday, 29 March 2012

Happy Birthday to the Blonde Wambo!

So, today's my birthday! 29th March! -

It's just past 9pm where I am, as I'm writing this ofcourse.. and I was about to do my homework. Then I thought, "Screw it, this is my only birthday for the year. I'll do my homework when the clock strikes 12!". - Being in IB, I will probably regret that tomorrow.. Hahha. But hey, "IB Procrastinate now, IB screwed tomorrow"... <-- That's the motto! ;)

So, 17th Birthday huh? Oh, I'm fancy. ;)
How did my day go, you ask? Well, I'll write it out for you.
(Warning! This could get long, and soppy) 

It was 11:59 when I opened my journal, still dated 28th March at the time. In that moment a tear ran down my face. Not because I was sad, or scared or anything of the sort, but because the year most people hope to hold onto forever, was slipping out of my grasp. 16, the year I traveled on my own, encountered so many life-changing experiences, met people I never thought I'd meet, made friends way beyond what I expected I could attain, learned things I wasn't happy about, met people that broke my heart... Thought I fell in love for the first time (which I now know was probably just, you know, hormones).. Seen places that took my breath away, seen things, heard things and met people that inspired me; realized my dreams, became who I really am... 16. That was the year I really grew up. That was the year I actually had to stand up, and for the first time, take responsibility. That was the year I saw 8 shooting starts, that was the year I discovered my passions. That was the year I realized my real dreams, and not what people wanted or expected from me. That was the year I met someone I can still cry about today... cry about, because they made me happy. Actually, that was the year I met alot of people I could potentially cry about. A single tear, streaming down my cheek, carried all this. A single tear... my life was playing out for me. 16 was gone... dead and GONE ; DEAD and gone.. - in that moment, those were the single words I wrote on the pages of my journal.

It was 1am by the time I finished up my German homework. 2hours to my actual birth hour.. - I was getting reading for bed. As per usual, I had my night lamp on and 'How I Met Your Mother' playing in the background so that I wouldn't have to sleep in silence and feel...well... alone. I was staring at the sky, thinking about what this new age would bring to me. Hoping to get what I've been wishing for on all these shooting stars. Just then, my zany, eccentric sister bursts into my room to wish me a happy birthday. I was smug. See, things with me and her have never really been great; but at the end of the day, a sister is a sister. She sat down and talked to me. Explained all these little mysteries I question about my personality. She explained why I am the way I am: why I'm so emotional, why I'm so lonesome, why I grew up with the lowest of self esteems. She decoded me,, to myself. For the first time, I felt like I had a sister. For the first time, I knew she really loved me. Her tears washed away all the resentment I'd ever carried, and her honesty made me realise that I had someone I could trust. I had someone I could confide in. I had the sister I'd always wanted. She crawled into my bed and laid with me, chatted awhile before I dozed off. I was 17, and I had found the one thing I had longed for, for the longest time: I had an older sister, one I could love. I had INDI.

Today, we were going to have an assembly in commemoration of the passing independence celebrations that were held on the 21st of March since that's when my country gained it's independence. We had it today because we didn't have school in the week of the 21st, so today seemed appropriate. The Secondary Vice Principle asked me to read one of my poems she'd heard at the open mic, entitled "Land of the Oppressor" which is basically my brief take on the struggle and Namibia as it is now. Anyway, I woke up this morning, nervous as hell. I thought it was some sort of torture especially because it was my birthday, however, I must say it went well. I got tons of praise from students and parents alike, as well as from a handful of my teachers. School was great today. Turning around each corner I'd here a random "Happy birthday Arlana" from a kid I didn't even know knew my name. A bunch of people wished me, I felt blessed. My class all wished me, it was fairly average, until they all decided to sing to me, at which point I walked away all nervous (being the centre of attention isn't one of my strengths). This girl, (strange girl if I must say so myself... Sorry Zoe :P) called Zoe walked in with a tray of brownies and filled with candles forming a '17' shape. I was close to tears. It lit my heart knowing that this girl, who came from a totally different place, a totally different life, and a completely different culture, who, mind you, has only really known me for about 3 months, could regard me so highly, as to bake for me. I know, it seems trivial now, but I really appreciated the gesture, more than any material gift she could easily have bought. Later on, my best friend, Nash showed up with my friend Ozmar, who I absolutely adore, in tow. Flowers and Lindt chocolate in hand. I was beaming. I couldn't have been happier or surrounded with a greater bunch of friends in that very moment. I was glad to see everyone smiling, and I assume they were equally as glad to see me smiling. There were smiles, brownies, laughter and "Happy Birthday Whore" going around. The energy was good, the atmosphere was good. It was my birthday. My 17th Birthday.

The rest of the day was well... average. I took a nap, watched a few series', cried abit, laughed abit, read a few cards read a ton of inboxes, answered a bunch of phone calls, read and responded to a bunch of wallposts. - You know, the usual birthday stuff; then decided to write this entry on my blog. There was no special dinner filled with speeches from my father on life and growing up, there were no words spoken between my mother and I. Really, there was just me. Alone in my room, admiring my flowers from Jordan, the ones from Nash and Ozmar and the bunch of others from a host of friends. There was just me, dipping into a box of Lindt chocolates and adoring the test of them melting in my mouth. There was just me, taking pictures of the sun shining through my window. There was just me. It was tranquil. For dinner I requested pizza in front of the Tellie while watching 'America's Next Top Model' with my family while my niece crawled around making a mess of our living room; and I got it. Well, something like it. I had my dad eating a burger and my sister and I sitting on the floor devouring some pizza while my niece, well, 'crawled around making a mess of our living room' hahah. My mom was in her room.. Talking to someone about something more important than me, but that's fine. One never really gets to have the world revolve around them for an entire day. :) One of my bestfriend's, more like brother actually, called me and sang me this little song he always used to sing. Yes, Ryan, I remember you singing these weird songs to me in 6th grade. hah. I cried. I didn't much expect him to care, at all. Ever since I changed schools I feel like alot of my relationships have been scarred, but today proved that I still have a bunch of people that genuinely love and care for me.

All in all, it was a good day. Every form of wishful birthday was very much appreciated. I am glad to know that I have something going for my at this point in my life, and that is all the stable relationships I've been able to develop. I never really realised until today, that so many people cared. Honestly, I felt like I was this tiny girl, stuck in this huge world, surrounded by people who I just hung out with... but in actual fact, I have friends. REAL FRIENDS, and there is really nothing better I could have asked for on this day.

Here's to 17. My last year of being an irresponsible teenager, my last year of being careless, my last year of being a child! I'll take a shot to it.

...and come tomorrow. I'll be rocking out at the best club in town with the people that matter most.

For now, I'm off to reflect on the last year, and see how I can make this one better.

To those of you that have kept reading, thank you. I've shared more of myself with you, than I have with people I've known for longer than 6 months.
...'Life is a war; Faith is it's sanctuary'... I have faith in myself, my friends, and my choices. So, I will make it through any struggle. <3

 Arlana PS